Archive for the ‘FROM THE POET’ Category

                                                                               Part of my recent assisting role in the amazing Color of Woman Training was to share some of my experience with muses. There has been much conversation as to whether or not the muse comes from inside of ourselves or from outside of ourselves, or both, whether she is real or imaginary, and other of those questions that my reader may be considering while reading these lines. I decided to share my encounter with the muse who arrived for the writing of my book “Rachel’s Bag” because it  illustrates that they do not always show up as who or what we may expect or imagine.

Caron McCloud 

“We know how to speak false things which seem to be true,
but we know, when we will,

to utter true things.”

~The Violet Wreathed Muses to Hesoid~

It was 4:00 A.M. — that strange-blue-lit hour-of the dog — and I had just completed a trilogy of poetry chap books which I had been working on non-stop for six weeks. Heaving a great sigh of relief, I was reaching for the shut down command on my iMac, when my fingers suddenly flew to the key board and a poem showed up on the screen — a poem of which I did not experience myself as being the source.

“What?!” I exclaimed aloud after reading it. “Where did this come from?”

“What do you mean, ‘Where?’” I heard in a sexy Stella Mac kind of voice. “Why, from me, of course. ”

“Who are you?” I asked, looking around in shock. Since I hadn’t consumed any alcohol or drugs in years (well … except for a few hits off of the Little Holy Smoke that occasionally showed up with a little help from a friend … or two) I figured my hallucinatory state was due to long nights and obsessive writing.

“What do you mean ‘Who’?’” the voice said. “I’m Muse Red, of course!”

“I don’t believe in muses,” I said, my body stiffening, my arms folding. “I’m a Christian.” For some unexplainable reason I was more surprised and embarrassed by the uncharacteristically prim sound of my own voice echoing in the room than I was at the fact that I was carrying on a conversation with an apparition.

I realized the voice was taking on form as long perfectly manicured fingers, flashing Revlon’s Fire and Ice nail polish from the 50’s reached over my shoulder and picked up the manuscript I had just printed. She read the title aloud, “Cantos in Red. Hmmm… Now where do you think this came from? Who do you think has been propping you up at this computer all day and all night for the last six weeks?”

Then, peering at the poem that had showed up on my computer screen, she said, “And where do you think this little number came from?”

“I don’t even like that poem!” I said petulantly.

“Proving my point.” she noted, intensifying the tension between us. “Just what do you in your exalted opinion think is wrong with it?”

“Well, for one thing, it’s a Calligrama! A form I never use. A form I find just too — if you’ll forgive the pun— just too contrived for words.”

“What about ee cummings?” She queried.

“Screw ee cummings!” I said, my awe at her presence overcome by my feelings of being not only invaded but challenged.

Well, it was at this point that she and I got into a terrible quarrel, even though I know better than to fight with a red-head. Especially one wearing a long, flimsy, bias-cut, red sequined, vintage twenties evening gown at four frickin’ o’clock in the morning.

She started quoting a bunch of stuff from Ben Shahn like “Form is the right and only possible shape of a certain content.” I told her that even more than the shape of the thing, it was the content that I found offensive. I tried to explain that it was just too, well, “occult” sounding, and that I had put away all of that sort of thing years ago because of my, well… my being a Christian and all.

To this she responded, “Oh, are you afraid that you’re going to get struck with a bolt of lightning by that old bearded guy on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?”

“Well yes!” I said. “Aren’t you?”

“Well, of course!” she exclaimed , as though I were the idiot who raised the question in the first place. She then, with great indignation and emphasized with much hand waving launched into a lecture, “Excuse me! That is the peril in which, not only prophets, but artists and their muses live and breathe and have our existence, is it not? How do you think Mikie felt lying up there on top of all that scaffolding month after month after having been explicitly told by the “old guy” whose portrait he was painting not to create any graven images?”

Well, she had me there and she knew it so she launched into yet another tangent paraphrasing (and this was a reach, even for her) W. Terrance Gordon synthesizing Marshall McLuhan, claiming that it turns out that content is an illusion, and how, as an artist, it was my job to “sharpen cliche’s into new forms that jolt us into awareness.”

Well, she seemed to know or pretend to know everything from A to Z about everyone from Abraham to Zedekiah, majoring in “M” for Michelangelo, McLuhan, and yours truly, McCloud. Oh, and speaking of King Zedekiah, she actually claimed to have provided some kind of inspiration and protection for his daughter Teia Tephi who had become Queen of Ireland back around, I don’t know, 583 B.C. or something.

She then threw in my face how I was always talking about how the devil had co-opted the mysteries and powers with which God had gifted women and called them his own, and how he had even convinced the church that it was he who was master of these mysteries, and how his doing so had accomplished making them forbidden to the Bride of Christ by the very church itself. She reminded me how I was always saying that the Bride must take back her power and establish it firmly at the foot of the cross.

Well, that was just a bit too fundamentalist to be what I may have actually said, but close enough by her standards. She then called me a coward and told me to “Put up or shut up.”

Then with streaks of shimmering ribbons in every color of red that light has ever touched, and raggedy old veils of streaming vermillion, she, apparently able to become whatever size necessary to fit any space, draped herself seductively across the top of my big orange iMac as though it were her chaise lounge, covering my desk with ruby spills, scattered sequins, and a shattering of glistening shards.

In a sudden shift to the Stella Mac voice that I love, she  proceeded to explain that due to the determination, committment, perseverance, grueling study, and hard work I had put in to become a writer, she had been called to serve as the gateway through which I was to be enabled to write things beyond my own capability and imaginings. She explained that not only did this include providing inspiration and the strength to withstand obsession, but that she would protect me. But it did make me a little nervous when she giggled and said, “And Honey, where we’re going, are you ever going to need protection.”

“From what?” I asked, realizing matters were not in my control and had not been for some time.

She winked, and stretching out a wing of feathers the color of fire, said, “From the servants of the Evil One who does not want you to write about the Kabbalah of our mothers. You know, the wisdom of our mothers in the Old Testament: Eve, Oniyah Sarah, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel. Don’t look at me like that. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Trying to calm myself, I picked up a cigarette (yes, I still smoked back then) thinking she would probably get on my case about that too, or even leave. Instead she whipped out a silver Zippo, exuding that subtle lighter fluid perfume, and lit my cigarette. She then lit one for herself, exhaled a long stream of smoke and said “Let’s get to work.”

By the way, she claimed to have gotten the lighter from F. Scott Fitzgerald, but wouln’t show me the engraving, so who knows? As I got to know her better in the days and nights that followed, I figured it was more likely that it had come from Zelda.

But that first writing session started, as though providing her final credentials, with her reciting the poem that had magically appeared on my computer screen shaped kind of like a chalice. The poem that would introduce the first chapter of my book. This is what she said and this is the way what she said looks.


We gathered up the knives of the God of our lives

and the swords of our wisdom and words,

gathered the prayer stones of our sages,

gathered the cards of our pages,

gathered club, cup, and star;

shuffled and hid them in

the rug and furniture

of the camel that




in the direction

towards Bethlehem,

carrying with her the secret

code of the Qabalah of Our Mothers.

If you hurry you can still catch her, along

with all of the others, at an address in Genesis

31:31, but you will not be allowed to search her, nor

to make her return, for upon her is the custom of women.

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